What is a Co-dependency? There are many Instagram reels and online memes about what Co-dependency is and how it is makes us feel. 

Perhaps you have been googling or using an ai service to ponder co-dependency. 

In their landmark book, Codependent No More, Melody Beattie defines what a codependent person is this way:

"A codependent person is one who has let another person’s behavior affect them and who is obsessed with controlling that other person’s behavior."

She further explains what a codependent person often lives like in writing this: 

“We rescue people from their responsibilities. We take care of people’s responsibilities for them. Later we get mad at them for what we’ve done. Then we feel used and sorry for ourselves. That is the pattern, the triangle.” 

Co-dependency is originally the term for the person who is married to an alcoholic. The use of the word has expanded in recent years but the concept is still similar - the codependent is the person trying to fix / rescue or help another person in a way that is usually self sabotaging and exhausting. In short, codependency usually comes from a good impulse - to help another person who is struggling or having a hard time in some manner. But in the process of helping, the codependent loses their sense of self and is often exhausted and feeling stuck. 

Co-dependency usually has some complex variables. The codependent normally feels like the only thing that they can do is help because if they don't help, then they fear catastrophe. Melody Beattie summarizes this impulse in her book by asserting, “The only person you can now or ever change is yourself. The only person that it is your business to control is yourself.” 

This pathway of tending to yourself can seem very challenging. Perhaps you have been thinking about co-dependency and wanting to work through patterns of codependency. Reach out today. We are here to help. 

Notes

Photo by Johnyvino on Unsplash

Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself (Revised and Updated) by Melody Beattie

The Let Them Theory: A Life-Changing Tool That Millions of People Can't Stop Talking About by Mel Robbins and Sawyer Robbins