Self Compassion

It sneaks up so fast, the mean internal voices. The scared thoughts. The impatient, insecure feelings. They are so good at hiding in fact that we often don’t realize they’re there until there is a moment when one slips out verbally on the tongue. For me, this looks like hearing myself speak harshly to myself in front of a family member, or being more tense than I want to be in my movements and gestures. These are all signals that something inside wants curious, kind attention. I call this self compassion, or slowing down to be with myself, even the ugly or uncomfortable or needy parts of myself, in the ways that they need it.

Cultivating self compassion introduces a kinder way of being with yourself. This translates into how we treat ourselves, and each other. It may not completely replace the harsh voices, the judgements, shame or angry outbursts. But self compassion invites noticing of our inner world and how we speak to ourselves, which over time translates into growth. It invites a pause, a noticing, even the recognition “wow, I am having such an unkind thought about myself” can create awareness, and that means distance between ourselves and that thought. When we can realize a part of me is thinking, feeling or acting a certain way, but not the whole of me, it stops feeling like the ultimate truth.

Perhaps in that moment right after noticing it, there is room to get curious and wonder where that thought is coming from. Some questions I find helpful are: why is this part of me trying so hard to shame or judge me right now? What does it need? But even if I don’t get to that deeper exploration until later, or until my next therapy session, the stopping and recognizing what was happening inside me is still gold. I like to give credit where credit is due, and to count the small wins. What are you noticing in yourself today? How are you slowing down to recognize the inner voices, and to greet them with curiosity and compassionate attention?

Count any small noticing as part of your growth, and give credit where credit is due.

Notes

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