Attending to Grief Amidst the Holidays

Grief often amplifies within our systems during the holiday season. From an Internal Family Systems (IFS) perspective, grief is not a problem to solve—it is made up of many parts that carry love, loss, and longing. The following prompts gently invite you to meet your grieving parts with compassion and curiousity over the holiday season.

Noticing the Grieving Part

• When I think about the holidays, what kind of grief shows up for me?
• Where do I feel this grief in or around my body?
• Does this grief feel connected to a specific loss, person, or time?

Getting to Know the Grief With Curiosity

• If this grieving part could speak, what would it want me to know?
• What does this part miss most during the holidays?(Let it share all that it wants to)
• How old does this part feel? (Connect with it in an age appropriate way)
• Does this part know who I am? (If not, you can update it gently)

There’s no need to push for insight, the Self has no agenda. Compassionate witnessing is enough.

Meeting Grief With Compassion

• How do other parts of my system typically respond to grief—do they try to distract, minimize, or push through?
• What would it be like to sit with this part for a few moments without trying to fix or problem solve?
• What words of comfort might my Self extend toward this grieving part?(Compassion vs. platitudes)

Honoring What Was Lost

• What was so significant about what I lost?
• How does my grief reflect love, meaning, or connection?
• Is there a small, yet meaningful way I might honor this loss during the holidays?

This might look like a quiet ritual, lighting a candle, or allowing yourself space to remember alongside of celebrations.

Supporting Your System through the Season

• What does this grieving part need to feel less alone right now?
• What boundaries or supports would help me move through the holidays more gently?
• What is one kind thing I can offer myself when grief arises?(Welcoming in – validation – reminder that there are “No bad parts”)

A Gentle Closing

If grief arises over the holidays, it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It simply means something or someone mattered deeply to you. When Self leads with patience and compassion, parts carrying the grief will feel less alone and soften within your system. My hope for you is that this process will open up space for grief alongside of joy amidst the holiday season.

Notes

Photo by Jessica Fadel on Unsplash