Engaging with Anxiety
Anxiety often feels like a wall we want to avoid—something to push away or outrun. But healing rarely comes from running; it begins when we turn toward anxiety with curiosity, kindness, and patience. This perspective echoes the heart of Aundi Kolber’s book Try Softer, which invites us to approach our inner struggles not with harsh striving but with gentle awareness and grace.
Listening to Anxiety’s Message
Anxiety is your body’s built-in alarm system. It’s designed to keep you safe—but sometimes the alarm is triggered even when there’s no real threat, like a smoke detector that’s overly sensitive. Instead of fighting it, we can pause to listen to what anxiety may be signaling:
What fear or need is asking to be seen?
What does my body need to feel safe in this moment?
Which stories am I telling myself that might not be true?
This shift—from judgment to curiosity—creates space for the body and mind to soften.
The Power of “Trying Softer”
Kolber’s Try Softer encourages us to replace “try harder” with a posture of kindness toward ourselves. For those experiencing anxiety, this might mean:
Grounding in the body: noticing sensations—like feet on the floor or a slow exhale—to remind ourselves we’re safe right now.
Honouring limits: acknowledging when we’re overwhelmed and giving ourselves permission to rest or seek support.
Welcoming compassion: speaking to ourselves the way we’d speak to a dear friend.
Rather than muscling through anxiety, we learn to cooperate with our nervous system’s need for safety and connection.
Practical Steps to Begin
Even before seeking professional help, you can start to engage anxiety in gentler ways:
Pause and notice: “I feel my chest tighten; something inside needs attention.”
Breathe slowly and deeply: allowing the body to settle before responding.
Name what’s happening: labelling emotions can reduce their intensity.
Invite softness: ask, “What would a kinder response look like right now?”
Reach out for support: letting a trusted friend, mentor, or therapist share the load.
These small practices align with Try Softer’s invitation to approach yourself with care.
When to Seek Extra Support
Sometimes anxiety feels too heavy to carry alone. That’s when professional therapy can help you develop new skills—like grounding exercises, cognitive-behavioural tools, or emotional regulation strategies drawn from therapies such as DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy)—to work with anxiety rather than against it.
A Resource to Explore
If you’d like to deepen this journey of gentleness and self-compassion, consider reading Try Softer by Aundi Kolber. It offers practical, faith-informed guidance for engaging anxiety, stress, and overwhelm with curiosity and grace.
You are not alone. Learning to engage with anxiety is less about fighting and more about befriending the signals your body sends—turning toward yourself with patience, compassion, and hope for healing.
Notes:
Try Softer by Aundi Kolber
Photo by Reign Abarintos on Unsplash