The Positive Intention of Distractions

to look, to listen, to lose myself inside this soft world – to instruct myself over and over in joy, and acclamation.

-Mary Oliver, excerpt from Mindful

The Positive Intent of Distractions

Can you recall a time when you found yourself “getting lost” in something that brought you joy? It could be something simple or something more extravagant. Either way, you most likely felt a little more connected to your sense of Self. You may have even reflected, “I feel more like myself” as you engaged in whatever you were doing. This is very important information that can be used at times when we feel more disconnected from Self.

The Self is that space within each of us that cannot be touched by trauma. When we access it, we experience qualities like: compassion, calm, curiousity, creativity, courage, confidence, clarity, and connectedness. Parts, when they are amplified in their protector roles, can create a barrier to accessing Self. Do you have a sense of these parts within your own system? Some may be more intense depending on the pain they are trying to protect from. Distraction is a common strategy used by protector parts in both proactive (i.e. managers) and reactive (i.e. firefighters) ways. What things do your parts try to distract you with? As noted, distractions can, at times, foster a sense of connection with the Self. Some examples of this include: getting lost in a good book, or being immersed in the world of a video game, or putting together a Lego set or puzzle. Sometimes, though, distractions lead to disconnection.

The impact of video gaming in particular has been researched and treated extensively (note 1). Within Internal Family Systems, video gaming parts can hold both manager and firefighter energy. Sometimes they can be proactive in trying to pre-empt pain (Saying: “Never again!”), and at other times they storm in and try to put out the flames of pain (Saying: “Whatever it takes!”). In any case, we can cultivate a sense of curiousity about the part to learn more about its origin. 

Perhaps video gaming emerged as a survival strategy for a child trapped in a painful environment. Their system may have experienced temporary relief escaping into worlds of fantasy and created an outlet for them to express their grief (e.g. anger). In this sense, it is important that we validate the positive intentions of parts within our systems. They can help us survive very harmful situations where there may have been limited or no access to safety and security. As noted, video games can certainly provide this, but if few other restorative strategies are developed, they can create a barrier to Self energy. As adults, we may find ourselves escaping into them whenever difficult situations arise. The ongoing hope is, though, that once we establish connection between the Self and parts, they soften, let go of their heavy burdens, and adopt more life-giving roles. When this happens, we can once again get lost in the joy that we so deserved as children.

Notes

Note 1: For example: https://doi.org/10.1016/j.apergo.2021.103477 and https://doi.org/10.1016/j.entcom.2021.100412 and  https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1611617114

Mary Oliver Mindful poem can be found in Devotions by Mary Oliver: the Selected Poems of Mary Oliver

Photo by JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash