The winter months in the temperate world can be a challenging time for many. With increased darkness, colder temperatures, and perhaps lower energy and mood, these months often seem imbued with a sense of grief. I’d invite you to consider your own experience of winter.
The Gift of Validation What are you noticing within your system as we approach the holiday season? Perhaps there is some anticipation of extended time and space to more intentionally relax and connect with loved ones. There may also be some trepidation about what those relational dynamics may look and feel like. Grief in its many forms can manifest as well. Whatever you notice, before, during and after the season, know that all of it is welcome. You do not have to feel a certain way around the holidays, even though there may be expectations (familial and societal) to do so. You have a choice.
When approaching trauma, it is important to understand that there are different types that require different treatments. Traumas must be addressed according to their specific needs. In your lifetime, you may have experienced what is called a single incident or acute trauma. Examples of these include car accidents, assault, sudden death of loved ones and acute medical illness. If this is the case, take a moment to recall some of the symptoms that were cued within you amidst that time.
Trauma can be understood as a relational violation – or, put another way - a violation of connection (Frank Anderson). Seen through the lens of Internal Family Systems (IFS), trauma creates a chasm between our Core Self and parts of our psyche. These parts come into being at the origin of a relational violation/violation of connection. Many of them are protective and try to mitigate - in proactive and reactive ways - the pain that is held by deeper exiled parts in our systems. In this sense, parts can be viewed as adaptive vs. defective and bad. Such a non-stigmatizing approach can help parts soften (i.e. turn down in intensity), and release the burdens (e.g. shamefulness) that they carry as a result of trauma.
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