The Restorative Power of Fun

We all have different understandings of what “fun” means to us. One person may find meaning and enjoyment in a certain hobby or interest, while another may prefer something else entirely. Sometimes we develop new passions for things as we grow along our respective journeys, or we may just stick to what we know. Either way, these things that we consider fun seem to ignite something deeper within our core. You may have a name for it (e.g. “Self energy”) or not, but whenever it is cued, you intuitively know what it’s like. There may be a tangible sense of freedom, exhilaration, openness, warmth, laughter, safety, belonging, creativity, or love. Everything else is tuned out and you can just be in the moment. Can you recall some of these moments in your life? They can exist all along the spectrum of fun – from profound to relatively simple. Bear in mind that anything along this spectrum of fun is restorative to your nervous system in that it brings you out of that shut down/collapse or fight/flight/freeze state and into connection with your Self and others whom you trust. This is the power of fun.

Too often, many of us experience difficulty engaging in things that are fun and enjoyable for our systems. This is not our fault either. These barriers and blockages may have shown up at a very young age, particularly in the face of trauma and grief. One of the most powerful is a sense of shame. In her book, “Internal Family Systems for Shame and Guilt” (2023), Martha Sweezy breaks down shame into two distinct groups of parts: shaming and shamefulness. You may be aware of some shaming parts within your system. They can seem very rigid, judgmental and harsh, and their messages relate to our sense of identity (e.g. unworthy, unlovable, defective, not enough). These messages are absorbed by the parts of shamefulness. They are the ones that feel disconnected, alone and stuck within our systems (i.e. exiles). Sometimes we identify quite strongly with them (i.e. blended), because we don’t know what else to believe. Again, I want to assert that this is not our fault. We did not ask for the heaviness of shame in our lives, and often we were powerless to do anything to disrupt it, particularly as children.

I want to take a moment to beam some hopeful news your way. And that is: as we interact with these respective parts via compassion and curiousity, they begin to soften and become unburdened from the heaviness of unhelpful beliefs. Space will open up within our systems, and our capacity to experience fun and enjoyment will deepen and expand. We will embody the beliefs that come from our true sense of Self, and this will become the secure base that we operate from.

Notes:

Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash

Internal Family Systems Therapy for Shame and Guilt by Martha Sweezy