Navigating Fear and Anxiety
As we navigate our lives, there are always two dynamic forces at play. The first is the relationship we have with our inner world or system (can be used interchangeably). We all have varying degrees of awareness of what the landscape of our inner world looks like and there are different tools and practices we can access to help deepen our awareness (e.g. Internal Family Systems). Throughout this process of inner exploration, certain patterns or themes start become apparent to us. These patterns or themes are trailheads that tell us how our inner nervous system has become conditioned by what we have encountered in the external world or system, often at very crucial points in our lives (i.e. childhood). For instance, if you learned as a child that it was unsafe for you to express yourself because of the likelihood of a negative response from caregivers, then you would likely keep your thoughts and feelings inside. A fearful/anxious part would be cued, and still may be cued for you, at times when you had the opportunity to express yourself, saying something like, “Don’t do it, they may get angry at you!” or, “It’s bad to express myself. They don’t like it when I do.” Consistent adverse reactions from caregivers or those in positions of power only intensify fearful parts in their protective roles. They are intent on protecting from the pain of shamefulness (e.g. “I’m a bad person for expressing myself”) overwhelming our inner worlds.
While the intent of these fearful/anxious parts is honest and understandable, the energy they emit can increase distress within our inner worlds. This energy can impact our overall quality of life both internally and externally. They are experiencing a sense of grief due to unmet essential needs in life. What is needed to help them to soften in the protective roles and ultimately heal is a sense of curiousity and heartfelt understanding (i.e. compassion). This energy can come from compassionate witnesses as well as from our own connection with our Core Self or Self. Vertical connection fostered internally (i.e. authenticity) and horizontal connection fostered externally (i.e. attachment) are both vital for healing (Gabor Mate). The relationship with our Self may have been blocked by the protective parts that helped us to survive all these years. As we grow in relationship with parts, they start to realize that they can trust us and use up less energy within the system because the Self is ultimately leading the way. They don’t have to try to so hard to survive anymore and can instead choose what they want to do. At this point, they can invite in some of the qualities that may have been stifled or invalidated as children. These qualities bring freedom to the inner system and that energy can be more readily transmitted to the external systems we regularly encounter. I will be sending you much courage and compassion as your engage in this process for yourself.
Notes
The Myth of Normal by Gabor Mate
No Bad Parts: Healing Trauma and Restoring Wholeness with the Internal Family Systems Model by Richard Schwartz
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