Anger Management

Anger can be a confusing emotion. For many of us, it shows up quickly—sometimes louder or sharper than we intended—and leaves us feeling ashamed, misunderstood, or alone. Other times it stays underground: tension in the body, resentment that builds, or a sense of being on edge for reasons we can’t quite name.

When Anger Feels Like Too Much: The Strength in Reaching Out

It is to treat anger as something to “fix” on our own. But reaching out for help isn’t a failure of strength—it’s a sign of courage. Anger often points to deeper stories: unmet needs, stress that’s been carried too long, old wounds pushed aside, or relationships that feel stuck. When you have space to unpack those layers with someone who isn’t judging you, real change becomes possible.

Counseling offers room to slow down, understand what’s underneath, and learn new ways of responding that feel more aligned with who you want to be. You don’t have to keep holding it all together by yourself. If anger has started to take up more space in your life than you’d like, reaching out is a powerful first step toward clarity, peace, and healthier connection—with yourself and with the people who matter most.

Harriet Lerner has written a book called the Dance of Anger in which she describes common patterns and concepts that relate to cycles of anger. 

She describes anger in a variety of ways:

1. Anger as a Signal 

Lerner explains that anger tells us something important: we are being hurt, our needs are not being met, or we are giving more than we’re receiving. Instead of ignoring or suppressing anger, she encourages readers to listen to it with curiosity.

2. Relationship Patterns (“Dances”)

Lerner describes that people fall into repetitive patterns—pursuing, distancing, over-functioning, under-functioning, blaming, or pleasing. These patterns keep relationships stuck and prevent real change.

3. Changing your steps in the dance

Lerner argues that trying to change another person rarely works. What does work is changing your own steps in the “dance.” This might mean setting a clear boundary, expressing yourself more directly, or stepping back from over-responsibility. Lerner argues that trying to change another person rarely works. What does work is changing your own steps in the “dance.” This might mean setting a clear boundary, expressing yourself more directly, or stepping back from over-responsibility.

4. Responsible vs. Irresponsible Anger

Lerner explains that not all expressions of anger are equal. Responsible anger is clear, direct, and focused on your own experience and choices. Irresponsible anger is venting, attacking, or trying to control others.

Perhaps you are reading this quick summary of the book and resonate with what is written. 

Perhaps you can see elements of an anger dance that you are in and want to break these cycles. Reach out today, we are here to help.

Notes

Harriet Lerner The Dance of Anger

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash