Finding Your Calm: Anger Management
Anger is a signal. Engaging anger with curiousity can lead to a path towards calm
Anger is information. It tells us:
Something feels unfair.
A boundary has been crossed.
A value has been violated.
A need has gone unmet.
The question is not “How do I get rid of anger?” The question is “What is my anger trying to protect?”
How to solve anger?
There are many great books about Anger that offer a process for people to engage with.
Rage: A step by step guide to overcoming explosive anger
or
offer great insights and process and help a person lean into understanding and shifting anger. Perhaps you wonder how to shift anger in a significant manner in your life - to find your calm.
Psychology Today has an anger management assessment on it to gauge your level of calm.
The website www.findyourcalmprocess.ca offers an overview of common strategies to work through anger to find your calm.
Three Practices for Working With Anger
1. Slow the Body First
Anger is physiological. Before insight, regulate.
Lengthen your exhale.
Put your feet flat on the floor.
Take a brisk walk.
Splash cool water on your face.
You cannot reason your way out of a nervous system that is in fight mode.
2. Name the Boundary
Ask:
What felt crossed?
What mattered to me in that moment?
What story did I start telling myself?
Anger clarifies where you end and someone else begins.
3. Move Toward Repair (When Appropriate)
Anger that never moves toward conversation turns into resentment.
Repair might sound like:
“When that happened, I felt dismissed.”
“I need more clarity.”
“That didn’t sit right with me.”
Not every situation is safe for confrontation. But where it is, clarity is kinder than silent distance.
Perhaps you have read this far and want more support in finding your calm. Reach out today, we are here to help.
Notes
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
Never Get Angry Again: The Foolproof Way to Stay Calm and in Control in Any Conversation or Situation by David J. Lieberman
Rage: A step by step guide to overcoming explosive anger by Ronald Potter-Efron MSW PhD, Stephen Paul Aulridge Jr., et al.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/tests/personality/anger-management-test
https://ontario.cmha.ca/documents/understanding-anger-and-anger-management/